A cold, shivery kind of day

I finally got a response from the girl who got offended. Everything is fine, she says that the reason she reacted the way she did (to everyone who responded) was because she knows it’s the truth and that she was especially hyper-sensitive that day. So I guess that’s good.

Today most of my day was spent sleeping. I didn’t sleep well last night, and then today I fell asleep at about noon and didn’t wake up until my boyfriend came home and shook me awake at six. It’s nice to be back in my own house, let me tell you. Hazel (my cat) slept in my lap the entire day, which was really, really nice. I always miss her a LOT when I watch my in-laws dogs, even though we live right above them and I could come up to check on her (and I do) any time I wanted.

I need to go to Wal-Mart to pick up some carrots and eggs. And we need to stop by my boyfriend’s friend’s house because my boyfriend left his jacket over there last week and we’re getting a cold front this week. We only have one jacket apiece, because it’s Florida for heaven’s sake, lol. When I came up to the house this morning though, it was only 54*F (about 12*C) INSIDE. Needless to say, I immediately turned on the heater.

An Assignment

I realized today that I don’t really talk to very many people one-on-one on Psyke, a forum that I’ve frequented for over four years. I’m considered one of the oldies and I’m sure most people think that I’m constantly checking PMs and having all kinds of awesome conversations with people on MSN, but in reality what they see is what they get–advice that I give in threads that tends to just say something along the lines of, “I know what you’re going through, it sucks doesn’t it, so-and-so gave good advice.” So I’ve given myself an assignment–send at least one PM per day to someone I don’t talk to very often. I’m also trying to give more meaningful advice.

I began this the night of the 24th, and I’m kind of worried because the one set I gave wasn’t received very well and then another set I gave hasn’t even been acknowledged. I hate feeling like I’m wasting people’s time. Today I sent three PMs–one to the girl who was offended by my advice, another to a girl in which I told her I was proud of her for standing up for herself (this wasn’t exactly well-received, as she felt she didn’t deserve it. This makes me sad because she really did, and I am proud of her and wish she could be proud of herself), and one more to someone who I’ve always looked up to. I told her that she was an inspiration and that I hope to be like her one day. I really hope these people don’t think I’m crazy or stalker-ish or something. I hope I manage to bring at least one smile to someone’s face.

Thanks to www.givesmehope.com, I’ve decided that sometime in the next week I’m going to go to the bookstore with a bunch of notes that say “You are beautiful just the way you are” and stick them into the books about eating disorders and depression. I’m looking forward to that.

Listening to: Minas Tirith–Howard Shore (Lord of the Rings The Return of the King soundtrack)

A Hard Day

Today has been pretty hard. Last night I wrote some advice in a general advice thread on Psyke concerning anger. I think it’s good advice, but it might just be common sense. And then I wrote something in someone’s thread where they’re having urges, and her urges consistently lead to life-threatening injuries, and she got offended/upset, which is really upsetting me because I HATE it when people are upset, especially when it’s over something that I did. I sucked up my fear and wrote her a PM explaining myself and trying to say the same stuff in a nicer way, but I don’t know if it will work. I’m afraid that now she hates me. It’s a really silly fear, considering I was still polite in the post, but… I’m still scared.

I’m having a hard time posting in the social anxiety forum I joined because I’m new there. I’m afraid that after my post spamming in the first couple of days I was there that everyone thinks I’m a conceited person, when really I was just trying to make it to where I didn’t just forget about the forum.

I wish I had friends that I could talk to. I wish I was brave enough to call people when I’m having a hard time. I think even if I was brave enough to call people, I wouldn’t tell them anything was bothering me, though. I would feel like they didn’t need to know, because it would just worry them and they wouldn’t be able to do anything about it anyway.

I hate social anxiety.

Listening to: The Plagues–Chorus (The Prince of Egypt